That's the Way It Could Be…

“Angela, just remember that to everything there is a beginning, middle and end.  We don’t know how long this will last, but this too shall pass.”

Those were my dad’s words to me in March 2020.  He was with us at the beginning.  He was at our home for one of his frequent visits with us just as we were hearing news of the coming virus and some things starting to shut down.  I had some moments of fear, scared and unsure about what was happening, and my dad reassured me.   He did not tell me don’t worry or it’s no big deal or it’ll be fine.  He simply looked at me with confident and loving eyes and told me there would be a beginning, a middle and an end to this – somehow it would pass. 

His words stuck with me and have become a deep wisdom to me.  I found myself sharing those words frequently in the months that followed… with family, with friends, with clients.  It became a montra when I had moments of fear and anxiety and each time I repeated them back to myself, I felt a calm knowing in my heart. 

So when I recently saw that the federal government would be declaring an official ‘end’ to the covid-19 pandemic, I thought to myself with a heavy heart, ‘Dad, you were right.  We are at the end.”  And my grief washed over me again.

You see, in the spring of 2021 my father went home to be with his Maker.  He did not die from covid-19. It was another horrible disease that took his mind and body with lightning speed.  It was like a tidal wave that we didn’t see coming until it was right upon us.  And then with a cruel force, it washed over us, flooding us, choking us, sending everything we knew spinning.  And then it receded, taking our beloved.  Leaving us stripped, disoriented, trying to find the ground beneath us again, and picking up the debris it had scattered.

There was a beginning, a middle and an end to that journey too.  

I remember the beginning.  The first moment I had an awareness that something was wrong.  My stomach turned in knots, the hair on my arms stood on end.  I texted my sisters, ‘Pray right now.  Something’s wrong.’

I remember the middle.  The frantic days and nights of researching symptoms, of contacting doctors, of holding a fear of the worst at bay.  I remember precious moments with my dad, of coming together with my family, of the generosity of family, friends and strangers, of belly laughs that relieved the pain, of sacred moments of peace and connection with the Holy, and throughout, my dads easy nature and loving presence.

I also remember the end.  The last hours, the last breaths, and then the earth shattering silence, the searing pain, the wailing.  That end was not comforting, not relieving, not wanted.  I still hate that end.  And I wish for a different ending.

And yet, my dads words hold true and somehow, they bring me peace.  They bring me peace because it speaks of a greater, deeper wisdom.  Yes, there is a beginning, a middle and an end to ALL things, including our very lives.  Try as we may, we cannot change or prevent that.  Some of the wisest and most peaceful people I have met have a deep acceptance for this simple truth.  They live in the balance of working to bring more peace, love and justice to this earth and a deep acceptance of the journey we are given.

My dad in all his wisdom, taught me some other simple truths.  He taught me that no matter what, under all circumstances, whether beginning, middle or end, we are never alone.  That we are loved by God.  That there is always hope.  That we are meant to love others.  That to whom much is given, much is required.  That every single person is a reflection of God and to be valued and treasured.  That in moving through the currents of life with its beginnings, middles and ends, we are living.  That when moving through pain in this life, you sometimes touch bottom.  And through faith, you can find the bottom to be sound. 

Whether you are in a beginning, a middle or an end.  I wish you comfort.  I wish you meaningful connection, an embrace by a loved one, deep laughter, an encounter with the Holy.  I wish you acceptance and hope through it all and a peace that passes all rational understanding.  

So dad, you were right.  There is always a beginning, a middle and an end.  We are at the end of the covid-19 pandemic.  This too has passed.   And I’m just so sad you’re not here on this earth with me to see this end.  And the new beginning.